Centipede and Coffee Makers

Week One

First week in my big girl apartment. Monday I took off work because Josh Kinney, one of my favorite people I met in DC, came to Portland. It was a good day, one of the few days Portland has been sunny, filled with bird seed, Voodoo donuts, Powells’ books, and reminiscing my DC days that I have been terribly missing.

Tuesday, I finally brought clothes, silverware, my coffeemaker, microwave, and Bobo (my stuffed animal) down to my apartment. Minus the pictures that still remain on my floor and the extension cords I need to untangle, my apartment has become home.

My first night I headed to bed early not hearing a sound from the surrounding apartments. I hadn’t seen anyone during my whole moving travels, with the exception of one lady, who seemed scared of my mom and I running up and introducing ourselves. I assumed everyone else was dead, however around midnight I heard the jangling of keys and opening of doors. So there is a possibility my neighbors are vampires. I am still trying to figure it out.

The following morning I woke up at 5:30 because of the insane amount of light coming through my sky lights. I fell back asleep and then woke up to my alarm and the loud clanging of rain drops against the sky lights.

I roll out of bed to use my brand new big girl coffee maker. In DC, I used to make my roommates make me coffee and never bothered with the threatening machine. I usually overflowed it or burnt the coffee. But the best way for me to learn is just to figure it out myself. I pull out my measuring spoons to follow the chart listed in my coffee maker pamphlet, only to find that my measuring spoons are mislabeled. Both the teaspoon and tablespoon were labeled “teaspoon”. I figured it out, but really? And early in the morning without coffee it seemed even more confusing. Regardless, I didn’t overflow it or burn it.

Then I went into my bathroom to do my make-up. I open my cabinet were I store my make-up on the shelf and see something in my bathtub out of the corner of my eye. I figured it was fuzz from sweatpants that got blown into the tub somehow, or possibly dirt had managed to crawl its way from the sky light into my tub. It was neither, in fact what it was gave me goose bumps. It was a bug with 100 legs, a living and crawling centipede.

I called my mom, “How do you kill a centipede? This has got to be a joke.”

She laughed at me and gave me advice. “Grab a plastic bag, squish it with paper towel. You could use a shoe.”

I grab all three, get off the phone to regain my focus. I held my breathe contemplating what to do next. Should I smoosh or squish? Where is my knight in shining armor when I need him? And why the hell is there a freaking centipede in my bathtub, my sanctuary of cleanliness? This better not be a common occurrence.

I prayed. I had no idea what else to do, but after discussing it with God, I remembered that he made humans superior to all creatures on earth. This 100-leg creepy crawly, was much smaller than me. I asked for strength held my breath and grabbed the paper towel, I didn’t want centipede smashed on my shoe, and killed the sucker tied it and a plastic bag and showed it who was boss. I felt kind of bad, but hopefully its brothers, sisters, cousins and all other forms of creepily crawly creatures take a hint.

The rest of the week was uneventful and I developed a cold right before memorial weekend. Fun!

Living alone lesson 1 & 2: 1) I cannot rely on measuring spoons to get me through my coffee routine. 2) I will have to be able to kill all forms of creatures, including ones with 100 legs.

I also learned I should never try to vlog. It makes me look stupid see example below, for your entertainment.